Friday, March 2, 2012

I was raised to expect unconditional love
I grew up feeling cherished and treasured
My parents never owned a piece of land
They never paid a last payment on anything.

I was raised to expect struggle
I grew up knowing how to do without
But NEVER did I feel like I wasn't my parents joy
I was always cared for with everything they had in all my weirdness.

I could look in my fathers eyes as a young girl and feel what part of me he recognized was him.
I could hear our happiness rising up out of my mother as her laughter filled the room.

Their only purpose was a monotany of working to live carefree...
Keep us from knowing...
Keep us from ever feeling restrained
Keep us from ever thinking we couldn't.

I look at my daughter
I never want her to expect anything less than
My unconditional love
My struggle

I want her to look into my eyes and recognize what part of her is me.
I want her to hear her happiness in my laughter.
I want her to know where I've been and the decisions I've made
All because I cherish her love and it's really all that I have.

I look at this child and I see all the pain she may not remember
I feel the relief that we got here without her knowing
How I had to shed every part of that little girl I once was
Thinking I was cherished and treasured...and it was all going to be so easy
I feel relief that we got here in one piece
and she gets to be that little girl
Who still believes that nothing is out of reach.