I aint one to gossip...but lemme tell ya

You know that girl Rebecca, she is sooo funky.
She thinks she's all that.
She thinks she looks good wearing those clothes...
She's just trying to be what she's not
You know that girl Rebecca, she thinks she's so smart.
She talks about random shit all the time
She never makes any sense
She's a bookworm...and so uncool.
You know that girl Rebecca, she's so spoiled.
She has to have everything her way.
She's such a bitch about her standards
She's just trying to be what she's not
You know that girl Rebecca, she gets on my nerves.
With her thick ass ugly ass hair
She's fat she DOES NOT look cute in what she wears
She doesn't even care about all that grey hair
and all she wants to do is play rollerderby...dumb!

Now I aint one to gossip but lemme tell ya
You know that girl Rebecca, she's heard all of the above.
She has these things tattooed on her heart
She's a new generation of beaner...
and lemme tell ya...
....she's happy.

Now, repeat the above lines in the mirror and insert your own name
is your last line going to be 'she's happy' too?
...yeah didn't think so.

Gracias

Everyone Already Found Their Someone

The Someone who stared into the eyes of
The Someone who had yet to feel
Love and Torment
Joy and Pain.
The Someone who stared into the eyes of
The Someone who smiled
a real down to their soul
not meshed with insecurities
type smile.
The Someone who recieved
The Someone's real love without
Comparison to the Someone before
Without any prior conspiracy
Without persuasion or fear.
The Someone who stared into the eyes of
That Someone and
tore down their Someone to create a Someone
That No One has a chance at loving.

I think that the Higher Power sure knows what she was doing....

My precious 6 year old daughter has always been a good reader. She's always gone to the Library regularly and she loves looking at different kinds of books. I'm very thankful for that.

She's in 1st grade now and starting this summer she's picked out books that she can actually read on her own. Her vocabulary seems to have doubled and I'm just really impressed with how good she's reading on her own. Ok, right about the time she started reading on her own...

...she lost her two front teeth!

Someone up there who's with us everywhere sure knows what she's doing...lol!!

There's nothing that can make you fall in love with your child more than to hear that child reading all on her own with no front teeth...its the sweetest lisp-EVER!! It brings a tear to my eye. Evie is just so cute :)

hide and stick

It was a sticky web
I'd spin and strengthen

to cover and hide

With words a sticky web
I'd spin and tangle

to have a safe place
for mangled heart shreds
to muster a beat

A sticky word web
That was not just words

but a whole facade
so that others cant see past

My sticky web of sticky words.

I don't know how to walk through life

without being barefoot

on glass...in the dark.



I don't have any feelings

without doubt

in pain...with stupidity.



I don't see the point

believing there's good

in you...for me.

I don't know how to walk through life

taking the easy route

comforted by the arms of another...

I'm used to sorting through the ruins

I'd rather walk

alone than believe in you...

for me.

To Make You Laugh

I paid for my parents divorce a few years ago.

I haven't spoken to my dad in years...4 to be exact :)

I think of him everyday so it's a little touchy for me...I couldn't even begin to explain all of the anger and pain I have surrounding this man in my heart.

But anyway, I love my mother dearly. She and I joke constantly...about life usually.

Once, I was saying something negative about my father and I remember it ended with me saying to her:

"HaHa!! Well, that's YOUR HUSBAND!!"

She smiled and calmly said:

"No, honey I divorced him! He's ALWAYS gonna be your DADDY!"

If you knew our humor you'd know that this was just the funniest thing coming from my Mother. I'd never been able to laugh at anything that had to with the subject of my father. It was nice to finally do that. Thanks MOM!!

Sometimes there's nothing else to do about somethin but laugh...I'm learning that now.

what its like to smile again...

I don't remember feeling this
nervousness in my bones
shaking up my insides
heating up the blood
making my heart race...
out out out of control
I play with my hair
"hands be still" I whisper
and without any thought
my eyes are smiling...
"finally" I say to myself
and those around me hear
a giggle they've never heard
from me
before.

I don't remember feeling this
excited to see another person
I'd convinced myself that lonely
was the way to be....
trusting anyone had left the building
and love just wasn't in the cards for me
I never thought I'd feel so great
being me
again.

I don't remember feeling this
comfortable being adored
without suspicion that it was fleeting
in some way
for no reason...
I think of all the times I wished
I'd have a chance to feel...
it just never seemed imaginable
for me
to know
what its like to smile again.