what its like to smile again...

I don't remember feeling this
nervousness in my bones
shaking up my insides
heating up the blood
making my heart race...
out out out of control
I play with my hair
"hands be still" I whisper
and without any thought
my eyes are smiling...
"finally" I say to myself
and those around me hear
a giggle they've never heard
from me
before.

I don't remember feeling this
excited to see another person
I'd convinced myself that lonely
was the way to be....
trusting anyone had left the building
and love just wasn't in the cards for me
I never thought I'd feel so great
being me
again.

I don't remember feeling this
comfortable being adored
without suspicion that it was fleeting
in some way
for no reason...
I think of all the times I wished
I'd have a chance to feel...
it just never seemed imaginable
for me
to know
what its like to smile again.