I think that the Higher Power sure knows what she was doing....

My precious 6 year old daughter has always been a good reader. She's always gone to the Library regularly and she loves looking at different kinds of books. I'm very thankful for that.

She's in 1st grade now and starting this summer she's picked out books that she can actually read on her own. Her vocabulary seems to have doubled and I'm just really impressed with how good she's reading on her own. Ok, right about the time she started reading on her own...

...she lost her two front teeth!

Someone up there who's with us everywhere sure knows what she's doing...lol!!

There's nothing that can make you fall in love with your child more than to hear that child reading all on her own with no front teeth...its the sweetest lisp-EVER!! It brings a tear to my eye. Evie is just so cute :)

hide and stick

It was a sticky web
I'd spin and strengthen

to cover and hide

With words a sticky web
I'd spin and tangle

to have a safe place
for mangled heart shreds
to muster a beat

A sticky word web
That was not just words

but a whole facade
so that others cant see past

My sticky web of sticky words.

I don't know how to walk through life

without being barefoot

on glass...in the dark.



I don't have any feelings

without doubt

in pain...with stupidity.



I don't see the point

believing there's good

in you...for me.

I don't know how to walk through life

taking the easy route

comforted by the arms of another...

I'm used to sorting through the ruins

I'd rather walk

alone than believe in you...

for me.

To Make You Laugh

I paid for my parents divorce a few years ago.

I haven't spoken to my dad in years...4 to be exact :)

I think of him everyday so it's a little touchy for me...I couldn't even begin to explain all of the anger and pain I have surrounding this man in my heart.

But anyway, I love my mother dearly. She and I joke constantly...about life usually.

Once, I was saying something negative about my father and I remember it ended with me saying to her:

"HaHa!! Well, that's YOUR HUSBAND!!"

She smiled and calmly said:

"No, honey I divorced him! He's ALWAYS gonna be your DADDY!"

If you knew our humor you'd know that this was just the funniest thing coming from my Mother. I'd never been able to laugh at anything that had to with the subject of my father. It was nice to finally do that. Thanks MOM!!

Sometimes there's nothing else to do about somethin but laugh...I'm learning that now.

what its like to smile again...

I don't remember feeling this
nervousness in my bones
shaking up my insides
heating up the blood
making my heart race...
out out out of control
I play with my hair
"hands be still" I whisper
and without any thought
my eyes are smiling...
"finally" I say to myself
and those around me hear
a giggle they've never heard
from me
before.

I don't remember feeling this
excited to see another person
I'd convinced myself that lonely
was the way to be....
trusting anyone had left the building
and love just wasn't in the cards for me
I never thought I'd feel so great
being me
again.

I don't remember feeling this
comfortable being adored
without suspicion that it was fleeting
in some way
for no reason...
I think of all the times I wished
I'd have a chance to feel...
it just never seemed imaginable
for me
to know
what its like to smile again.

We got a Bunny...its name is Buttons

Hermanas Por Vida

With the blessing of social networking sites like Facebook I came across this very old picture.
I'm in the middle front with the LIGHT blue dress...ulgh!
This was in 2003ish I think.
Right before I got pregnant with my daughter...and life began.

This is a picture of the BEAUTIFUL women of Sigma Lambda Gamma Sorority Inc.

A few of these women were my best friends in the whole world at this time in my life.
All that this organization stands on...is all that I was at this time in awe of.

Its about REPPIN nothing less than the best...and I can dig that :)
I am very grateful to have had this experience in my early years...

Being apart of this sisterhood really taught me alot.

ALOT OF WHAT I CARRY WITH ME STILL TODAY.

This night, was a sorority formal.
My date was of course none other than Mr. Alvarado.
We'd known eachother just a few weeks, and even though I love being around the sisterhood....

I always feel like I can't do it without him by my side.

I got an invite to attend the Sorority 10 year celebration/reunion the other day...

I plan on not attending.

I'd rather keep the GOOD TIMES in a safe place

and not have to face what I have/have not become...lol
I like for things to stay neatly filed away in the past.
I don't consider myself even on the same plane as these women.
I did it...its done...Cute Pic though.
heehee