My Mother used to look for Dad in the middle of the night
on the weekends...
on school nights...
before he had to go to work.

My Mother always found him in the middle of the bar
surrounded by barflies...
unable to speak with no slurs
sweating beer from his pours.

My Mother thought it her duty to get him home
driving drunk...
cursing and abusive...
arguing with us for taking up space.

My Mother let him infultrate our home
with let downs, put downs, and throw downs....
to keep her family together...
and honestly I feel so shattered.

My Mother subliminally instilled in me
what type of Mother I'd be...
the opposite of what she showed me...
I thank her for that.

My Mother subliminally instilled in me
a father figure that I'd be destined ...
to repeat for my own daughter...
I am so disappointed at that.

My Mother sadly is still hurt by my father
she doesn't search anymore...
and the pain doesn't run so deep...
I can see an end to my hurt one day.

My Mother raised me through this hell
I went through that marriage...
I can assure myself that rising above that...
I can rise above it all.